please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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