i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
