I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
