So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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