If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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