The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
