He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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