im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
