If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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