dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
