kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
