i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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