I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
