Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
