she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
