remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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