I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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