i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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