am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
