drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
