Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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