This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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