Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
