Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
