i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
