You smell like stripper and shame
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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