yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need moral support for this bender
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
