my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
