I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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