i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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