based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
