Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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