I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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