babies were throwing up all over the place
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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