Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
how does that bad decision feel?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
