no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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