Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
