You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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