She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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