yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
