Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
