I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
