A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize