oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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