His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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