I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
