dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize