Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need moral support for this bender
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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