Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
