i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
