Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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