So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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