yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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