genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
