There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
