Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
