Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
