y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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