i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
