Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Randomize
