i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
