I met the friendliest cop last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
