All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
