She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
