wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
