You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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