I'm drive I can fine osifer
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
