i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
