he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The air taste purple.
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