Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize