no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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