i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
