She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
