god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize