My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
